Brooding YA Hero Read online

  “Of course. I remember everything.”

  “Broody,” she said in a warning tone of voice.

  “I do!”

  “What are the names of your last three love interests?”

  “Uh …” He rubbed his chin. “Um. My Heart, Babe, and Sweetheart.”

  The Author patted his head. “I’ll write a memo for you. A little better than trusting your memory.”

  “Wait! Oh! One of them was ‘mi querida,’ he said, waggling his eyebrows. “I was very romantic.”

  “No. Your Author found that word on Google Translate.” She paused, as if to give him another lecture, but decided against it. Which was good, because Broody’s brain was already overloading with all this character development being shoved at him. He was quite sure steam was leaking from his ears, just like from her coffee cup. “Good night, Broody.”

  When Broody fell back asleep, he dreamed of strange stories where he wasn’t the star. He didn’t like it, and woke with a start.

  A little while later, a third visitor appeared. Young—younger than even a teenager might be. “Hiya, Broodster,” he said cheerily, jumping on the foot of Broody’s bed.

  Annoyed, Broody looked at the small boy. “I only have to tolerate small children in stories where I need to show off my babysitting skills. Go away.”

  “I can’t.” The kid smiled down at Broody. “I’m the Ghost of Authors Future.”

  “Great. Yeah, yeah, I’ll remember how important literature is and how great teens are, and blah blah blah. Now let me get some sleep.”

  The boy bopped Broody on the forehead. “Don’t patronize me just because I’m younger than you.”

  “That’s an awfully big word for a little kid,” Broody replied.

  The kid shrugged. “I’m an Author. We know lots and lots of words.”

  Finally, Broody sat up, ready to pay attention to what he hoped would be the last visitor of the night. The child had some sort of fancy new computer/smartphone/tech thingie, which Broody didn’t even bother looking at. Thanks to the publishing gods, his technology was always out of date by the time his book came out.

  “Right, so”—the kid finished tapping on the screen—“I’m supposed to talk to you about why young adult literature matters so much.”

  “Uh, because it gets mega-big blockbuster deals, duh,” Broody said.

  “No, silly.” The kid laughed. “Also, your slang is out of date.”

  “Well, it’s not my fault. I’m always out of date. A book can take years to publish,” Broody countered, feeling a little embarrassed.

  “That’s true. But what’s more important is the content of those books.”

  “Don’t worry! I plan to tell my future main characters all about how important adjectives are.”

  The young Author shook his head, his dark hair flopping into his eyes.

  Cute kid, really, Broody thought. He wondered if it would be worth describing the Author, if the fan-artists would just whitewash him, like they did to lots of characters.

  “No. I need you to talk about …” He paused, said the word carefully. “Probab … probs … ah! Problematic content in books.”

  “That’s a really big word. I’m not sure I can spell it.” Broody tried to compliment the kid, while stealthily trying to learn exactly what the word meant. “Could you use it in a sentence?”

  “When your only person of color is not only a supporting character, but also gets killed off to advance your goals, Broody, that’s problematic.”

  “Ahh, I see.” He rubbed his chin, but did not actually understand Kid Author’s point. “I will try my best to make sure that doesn’t happen anymore. As long as it doesn’t, you know, involve a lot of work. Or me changing. I like myself exactly the way I am.”

  The Kid Author shook his head and jumped down from the bed. “Sometimes, things have to change to get better, Broody.”

  And then the boy vanished.

  In the morning, Broody made himself coffee, which he drank black, like his dark, mysterious past, and poured himself a bowl of cereal, which he preferred to be as sugary and artificial as his romantic future.

  And then, he found a memo:

  DEAR BROODY:

  You have been visited by three ghosts.

  They had lots of good advice.

  Please listen to them.

  P.S. Start learning your love interests’ names, dingbat!

  Wow. Three different Authors had all told him he might need to change. That was just weird. Well, the fact that it happened three times wasn’t weird. Stuff always happened to main characters in threes.

  After another moment of thought, he decided to pretend that the dreams hadn’t happened. He had a book to write.

  And yet …

  He went and grabbed the notebook from the Ghost of Authors Past.

  CHAPTER 7

  PUTTING ALL THE PARTS TOGETHER

  So I have some yummy genre and setting all picked out for you, most lovely reader. Now it’s time to explain some common events that occur within stories. Think of this as a road map for your journey along your main character path. Yes, your Author’s going to be crafting the story, that’s true, but … Authors are kind of clueless. Sometimes they even talk to us characters. If an Author starts chatting you up, why not guide them into writing you a better story?

  Before I jump into the parts of the story, I’d like to talk a little bit about common elements that can be included in a book. Think of the parts of a story as clothing. You can’t very well walk around without a shirt. Well, unless you’re me. We all know my shirt is an optional piece of clothing, especially on book covers.

  The items below are more like accessories—corsages for prom or the really expensive earrings I gave you to show you how much wealthier I am than that Nice Guy Next Door who actually cares about what you think, or that tiara you have even though you’re an orphan and have no idea why you’d have it. They decorate your story.

  We’ve already discussed POV on page 50, so now I’m going to talk about the types of voice you might find in a story. These can exist in any type of POV, and influence what words the Author chooses to write:

  Active Voice

  Action happens in a dramatic, easy-to-read way. Active voice uses tons of verbs which show action, and is preferred by most readers and editors.

  EXAMPLE: Broody saved the day.

  Passive Voice

  In this style of writing, the Author tells, rather than shows, all the fun of the story. Passive voice uses an overabundance of “to be” verbs, like is, was, or are. Usually, your readers don’t like this as much. They say it puts them to sleep. I say they’ve just spent too long gazing upon my majesty and need to rest their eyes.

  EXAMPLE: The day was saved by Broody.

  Passive-Aggressive Voice

  This is the way I prefer to tell a story. It allows me to subtly insult whoever I chose.

  EXAMPLE: Why would you even think anyone besides Broody could save the day?

  Aside from voice, there are plenty of other tools Authors use to decorate your story. Tell your Author to get creative and use as many of them as possible.

  Plot Twists

  When something unexpected happens, causing the story to take a dramatic turn.

  EXAMPLE: You meet me and think I’m a jerk, mainly because I glare at you, make fun of you, and then ignore you for two weeks. PLOT TWIST. I am actually madly in love with you, but an evil witch has told me if I ever kiss you, the entire world will catch on fire.

  But I’m also still kind of a jerk. That’s not the plot twist. Just the, uh, curse part.

  Dream Sequences

  When part of the story occurs within a character’s dream. Oftentimes, the reader is not aware the character is dreaming until after it’s over. Sometimes, the dream might impact the plot, providing a clue to a mystery that the main character couldn’t solve while awake. Other times, it’s just there to look cool.

  EXAMPLE: Our story opens with a thrilling drag
on-versus-dragon race, through twisting canyons and over vast, fantastic forests, where every leaf on every tree is actually a butterfly. This world is majestic, beautiful, and vivid.

  Then an alarm clock goes off, startling the main character awake, and she begins her day in boring, average Cleveland, where there are no dragons and no magic trees. As much as the main character hopes that the cool dragon dream sequence happened because she is destined to become a dragon rider and escape her dull life, she soon realizes the Author had no good reason for that scene.

  Other than the fact that flying dragons are cool.

  Flashbacks

  A bit like dream sequences, as they disrupt the flow of the actual story. However, unlike dream sequences, this event actually happened to the character. Usually, it reveals a useful piece of backstory the reader would not otherwise learn.

  EXAMPLE: As the most popular guy in school, I mock and tease everyone less cool than me. This is rather annoying to you, as you happen to be friends with some of the least cool people I’ve ever met. Just when the reader is about to give up on me being a remotely decent human, bam, flashback. Suddenly, the reader is submerged in a memory of me as a middle schooler when someone laughed at me for having the hiccups.

  Just as suddenly, the story returns to the present day, and the reader is overcome with sympathy for the embarrassment I suffered.

  P.S. “Flash-forwards” are similar, but as they show the future, I don’t really like them. I want my readers to be surprised that I’ve married my one true love!

  Irony

  This is something to do with an iron, I think? To make my clothes nicely pressed for prom?

  Oh, no. Wait! I’ve just remembered the definition (or perhaps consulted the dictionary Blondie threw at me). For stories, let’s focus on dramatic irony, which is when the reader knows something the characters do not. For example, let’s say I’ve saved all my pennies for a lovely gift for my girlfriend, but she has accidentally poisoned herself.

  Gah! Wait. I muddled two examples.

  EXAMPLE ONE: I see my girlfriend lying next to me in a tomb, and she looks like she’s dead. Although the audience knows she’s merely taken a highly plot-convenient sleeping potion, I am not rational enough to consider this as a possibility. Therefore, I take my own life in dramatic fashion. That’s a bad move.

  The other example is very long and boring and involves something super-stupid called “selfless love,” so I’m not going to discuss any gifts, even if they come from Magi. Whoever they are. I bet they’re werelemur hunters or something.

  Selfless love. Ugh. Waste of time.

  Allusion

  When another story is referred to. I’ve used this many times within this book, but in a very stealthy manner, so as to not offend any Authors, or make them swoon. That being said, there’s a magnificent example of an allusion in the definition above this one.

  Illusion

  Something that you think exists, but actually doesn’t! (Like your agency in this story.)

  NOT A LITERARY DEVICE, BROODY

  Foil

  Another character (who can be any of the supporting characters I’ve already described) who makes your own characterization more vivid by being your opposite. They’re sometimes your sidekick or your antagonist’s best friend or your teammate. They’re never your love interest (except in fan fiction).

  Chase Scene

  We chase something. For a whole scene. It’s exciting! (And great filler if the Author doesn’t know what to write next.)

  Pet the Dog

  A moment where the reader gains sympathy for your villain because they do something nice.

  My favorite moments, to be honest. It’s almost like I get to be a real person for a scene.

  Hand Wave

  The Author will use this tool to explain away any inconsistencies in the story. For example: We main characters are able to race across all of Manhattan in a thrilling car chase, never once encountering traffic or running over a tourist. The Author handwaves it away by saying that the traffic was unusually light that day … and all the tourists are watching some musical about the founding fathers, anyway.

  Cameo

  When a character from another one of the Author’s books appears for a moment. This can also be a continuity nod, which means that it shows how this book is related to the other books in the Author’s series. Me? I’m just annoyed the Author has books that don’t feature me.

  Really Cool Line

  Exactly what it sounds like. Maybe it’s my catchphrase. Or my favorite magical attack. Whatever it is, the Author will use it at least ninety times in one book.

  That Thing We Discuss but Never See

  Ah yes. You know that time … with the frying pan … and the tap dancers? Yeah! That!

  A.K.A.

  We characters know a thing that we’ll never tell the readers. And we like it that way.

  Symbolism

  One of my all-time favorites! This one can be used so many different ways. See, Authors exist in a place they call The Real World, which is a drab and yet strangely unpredictable land. In this land, they’ve gotten used to certain images or visual cues meaning more than they actually do.

  EXAMPLE ONE: If you and I decide to sit in a swan-shaped boat for a lovely river cruise, you know we’re going to share a romantic moment. In The Real World, swan boats are a super-important sign of true love.

  EXAMPLE TWO: If someone ever offers you an apple, run away! In The Real World, apples caused a lot of problems, so now they’re seen as a very bad thing.

  Chekhov’s Gun

  I’m not sure who this Chekhov guy was, but he was obviously a main character, because this is a really useful tool. Basically, anything that you as a character come across should have a purpose and reason to exist within the narrative, even if it seems really out of place at first.

  EXAMPLE: That necklace I gave you before I was locked up by my evil vampire/dark angel/accountant family? You can bet your bottom adjective that it’s a secret key to my room to help break me free.

  Chandler’s Law

  Sometimes, when your plot stalls, your Author will invoke this. Basically, the worst case scenario for you suddenly happens.

  Hope Spot

  THE WORST. Are things going really well for you, dear soon-to-be main character? Look at your page number. If it’s not in the triple digits, you’re not near the end of the book, and this is a trap. It’s designed to lull you into a false sense of security and happiness, before more terrible stuff happens.

  Foreshadowing

  Foreshadowing is a useful tool that predicts what is going to happen. But sometimes it’s so subtle, readers don’t even realize what it means until after the foreshadowed thing happens.

  And sometimes, not so much.

  EXAMPLE: You know how when you gaze into my eyes, it’s as though you can see our life together? Yeah, that’s foreshadowing. And it’s about as subtle as that time your best friend shouted, “Don’t date him, he’s clearly a werelemur!”

  Fridging

  Hmm. Blondie suggested this one, but it’s not in the dictionary. I’m going to ignore it.

  A lesson on Fridging:

  What is fridging? No, it’s not when you open your fridge and stare at it, wondering what to eat. It’s when the story has a really cool, dynamic character (almost always a woman, or someone of another marginalized background), and that character only exists to be put into dangerous or deadly situations to further the protagonist’s (usually male character) journey.

  Here’s an example:

  Character A is a smart, witty, brave woman, who is also the only diverse character in the whole book. She’s dating her bland hero-dude, and suddenly, she’s kidnapped! (More likely killed, but that example depresses me too much to write about.)

  Bland hero-dude gets to angst about it for most of the book, go on his hero’s journey, and probably even fall in love with someone new.

  Character A? Yeah, she gets nothing. Even the Aut
hor forgets about her.

  Motif

  A repeating pattern which builds throughout the story.

  Moral

  An important lesson that the reader is hit on the head with throughout the story.

  Red Herring

  This is when you think something is going to be useful (like that guy you’re dating at the start of the novel), and he turns out not to be (because you’ve met me). Or, if that doesn’t make sense, here’s another example. (Again! Me being generous! So generous! So wonderful! Certainly, never someone who would get deleted. Right?)

  What if you and your friends uncover a mystery revolving around a very strange object—a goat—that appeared in your front yard. As you search, you unravel a mystery, dark and terrifying, full of intrigue …

  And it has nothing to do with the goat.

  That goat, my friend, was a red herring.

  Not literally.

  It’s still a goat.

  Not a fish.

  Anyway.

  Deus ex Machina

  Ugh. Foreign languages. Um. This doesn’t sound like a compliment or a curse word, which are my main two uses of any foreign language. Maybe it’s … a spell? Yeah! That’s it. It’s a spell that summons some impossibly awesome ending, which the rest of the story has given no indication it should have.

  Diabolus ex Machina

  The bad version of the spell above. This one summons an antagonist greater than any you’ve ever faced, and makes the whole book even scarier, if a little more improbable.

  Parent ex Machina

  So, the previous two examples are all about a great and powerful force showing up at the end of the book and either solving or causing problems, right? Well. Nothing is more powerful or more scary than a parental figure who’s finally remembered to act like an adult in a story. These characters can totally tie up the ending of a story in a neat bow.

  WHAT LITERARY DEVICE IS YOUR HOROSCOPE?

  Aries

  Chekhov's Gun

  A real go-getter, you always have a plan, and know what you're going to do.

  Taurus

  Moral

  Reliable and practical, you never hesitate to give others advice, even if it's wrong.